Dear friends,

Last week I posted a new video titled “Being Mom for 3 Minutes.” For those of you who missed it, here is a link down below:

Of course the video is supposed to make people laugh when they see me trying to get down a morning routine and walk in high heels while baby brother Dante miraculously ends up in the hamper. But while I was shooting it, I also realized the irony of what a woman is expected to do. At this age, my job is a bit simpler, as the word does not expect so much of me in terms of appearance, but in this much larger matter, I think my mom should have a say. Mom…

Hello Eva and friends,

Eva calls me Mom, which I think is a suitable name.

I believe that in many aspects, the world is an unfair place. And because I have daughters but also a son, I am worried about what is expected of them, worried that their personalities might be shaped by stereotypes, stigma and standards. We tend to look more at others and less in the mirror. We tend to see more our flaws than our good parts. We give labels with good or bad to our physical traits, our personalities and our very souls, according to what society tells us is good or bad. We tend to shape our bodies, our speech and gestures into what is commonly accepted. We look for approval from the outside, even if on the inside we are dying with sadness.

Going back to the video Eva posted above, it is supposed to be funny and mostly about the kids. But on top of that, it also shows aspects of life, that we involuntarily, each day,  teach our children as mandatory in order for them to fit in. We teach our daughters that they need the high heels in order to look attractive and elegant. We teach them that they need 5 different face creams, because the one you use for the under eye area of course is not suitable for the upper lip.

It makes you wonder, why is it acceptable for a man to walk out the door as he is – with nice, clean clothes and a dash of cologne if he is really fancy and possibly has a date later in the day, and no one has anything to say about it, but for a woman…well, if we see a woman going out of the house with her hair a mess, wearing no make up, and God forbid in flats…that is a completely different story: she gets stared at, talked about and most likely get pulled to the side by a well-intentioned friend with a whisper: “Are you ok? You look like a mess today.”  And please, give me a break with the evolution theory playing a role in all of this. We are NOT trying to attract a possible mate everyday. We are NOT out there to assure the evolution of all human kind on our way to the office, or the supermarket, or the gym. And while a man gets a clean break for a 5 o’clock shadow because “man, such a tough morning, woke up 30 min later and didn’t have time to shave, ” a woman can never say she woke up 1 hour earlier to make breakfast for the family, take care of the dog, the kids, the dog and the kids again, before being able to walk out that door, so that is why she did not have time to apply full make up. The world would probably raise a brow and pointing a crooked finger would just ask: “Well lady, why didn’t you wake up even earlier so you can also look perfectly polished before revealing yourself for the day? Why do you need a full 5 hours a sleep a night? Don’t you know they make creams now for dark circles and puffiness?”

The point is, that I would like my daughters and your daughters to start learning each day, not the importance of polishing the appearances. I would like for them to know that their value is not in the height of their stilettos; nor in the thickness of the foundation on their face. Her personality, her soul, who she truly is, does not stand in her purse, nor in her make up bag. And most importantly, it is not reflected in what people say about her, in how the world sees her outside and in which “box” it places her: the girly box, the tom boy box, the fancy princess box, the cool girl box and so on. I read these days about the beauty rituals of some reality TV stars. It takes them about two hours a day just to do hair and make up. And that is just on a regular day, when they might be spotted doing their groceries without eye shadow and all the newsfeeds of the world would explode with such tragic news.

Well Eva, Caroline, and all the little girls out there, I would rather have you read a story for those 2 hours a day; go for a run, listen to some music. When you will be all grown up, I would rather have you spend time with your family, drawing, plating a garden, writing a speech; living beautiful, fulfilled lives. Our greatest asset is time and I would rather have you spending 2 hours a day nurturing your soul, than preparing a shallow package for the world to see. And most importantly, before you reach the age when you will have all these options to ponder, stay kids for as long as you can, play and smile at the sun. You are beautiful.

Love,

Mom